Vanessa Bohns

Should I Say Something?

The Science of What to Share—and What to Keep to Yourself
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The questions that keep us up at night

Should I ask an upset colleague what's wrong?

Should I tell my bestie the truth when she asks about her new haircut?

Should I tell my boss about my personal struggles?

Should I apologize, even though it wasn't my fault?

Should I tell my friend her spouse is cheating on her?

Should I tell my classmate I got the job we both applied for?

A field guide for navigating moments of doubt

We all have moments in our daily lives when we wonder not only how to say something, but if we should say it at all. In Should I Say Something? social psychologist and organizational behavior expert Vanessa Bohns explores how to make informed decisions about when to express something and when to keep things to ourselves. Making the case for this vital communication skill, Bohns helps us determine the difference between oversharing and showing appropriate vulnerability, ultimately helping us to find support, feel less alone, and gain perspective.

Grounded in social psychological research, this book serves as a field guide for navigating moments of doubt about whether to say something. Bohns examines common inner conflicts, such as asking ourselves if we should be honest, apologize, or hold back in an interaction. Highly entertaining and eminently practical, Should I Say Something? addresses a modern-day pain point — the fear of being disliked, offending others, or getting cancelled — and offers concrete solutions.

Should I Say Something Vanessa Bohns

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Vanessa Bohns Author

Vanessa Bohns is the Braunstein Family Professor and Chair of Organizational Behavior at Cornell University’s ILR School. She is an expert on social influence, compliance, consent, why it's so hard to ask for things, and why it’s so hard to say no. Professor Bohns holds a PhD in Psychology from Columbia University and an AB from Brown University. Her research has been published in top academic journals in psychology, management, and law, and has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, The Economist, and on NPR's Hidden Brain, among other media outlets. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Business Insider, and elsewhere.

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A 2021 Best Book for Ethical Leaders & a Financial Times Business Title of the Month

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